


The Pineapple Team

by Erika_Rex



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Gen, Humour, Inside jokes, Team Fortress Sentience, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 12:19:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14402013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erika_Rex/pseuds/Erika_Rex
Summary: Sniper has had his good ration of hackers, maybe it's time for him to properly enjoy his job again. Well, "properly" isn't the right word for ending up under the control of the Pineapple Team's members.Users playing with company have always a unique way of enjoying the game.





	1. Team job: plr_banana_bay

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Snapped](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14291901) by [Flowtonair](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flowtonair/pseuds/Flowtonair). 



> At first, my intention was to create a Bonus Chapter of some sort for the extraordinarily original Snapped fanfic, then I realised that there was no way I could summarize in one chapter all the good moments I had while playing Sniper with my friends from The Pineapple Team.
> 
> Expect more chapters at a low pace. Maybe one every two or three weeks. I plan to do at least a couple of more chapters but I'm that type of person who has too many projects going on and somehow manages to not abandon any of them. Obviously, that means they all progress really slow.

It was a nice tropical day in Banana Bay. Sunny and warm as it was expected.

After the last experience, Sniper had decided to stay positive. He had reached the conclusion that hackers will be unavoidable but nice players also existed so he should try to make the most of each match.

The game hadn't started yet so he checked out his weapons and cosmetics. The only difference between his loadout and the standard was the Ol' Snaggletooth in his head, which he internally agreed it felt somehow appropriate for the map. He also realised that he was wearing almost the complete Croc-o-Style Kit: Sydney Sleeper, Darwin's Danger Shield and Shahanshah instead of the Bushwacka. Maybe his user didn't know that he could leave a cool calling card on his victims if he changed his melee weapon for the proper one or maybe he didn't even have the Bushwacka in his inventory. That made Sniper wonder about the type of player who would be using him today.

After some seconds, the match started and Sniper, along with the rest of his BLU team, headed out of Respawn, his user specifically choosing the left door. Once stepping one foot outside the base, just over the edge of the cliff, he jumped into the water and start scoping while falling. Without unscoping, his user calmly and precisely positioned him just behind the little deck. It was a risky and smart post, Sniper had a perfect view of his own cart and the opposite one across the map, along with the middle bridge and the intermediate section of the train rail. It was true that anyone coming from the left side could spot him but submerged with the water up to his neck and only his eyes and his rifle over the wood platform, he had to admit that it wouldn't be that obvious. His player might be using the Sydney Sleeper but he, at least, seemed to properly know the map.

For the span of a second, Sniper felt like a crocodile waiting for his prey until his first potential victim appeared. An enemy RED Scout began pushing his own cart by standing still next to it.

 _"Poor little gremlin."_ Sniper cynically thought, with a smile in his lips and before he could registered it, his player pulled the trigger and explosion of Jarate erupted in the Scout's chest, killing him instantly.

 **_Boom._ ** _Jarate Bodyshot._

Staying in his post, Sniper saw how one of their BLU Pyros started pushing their cart and in the meanwhile, he bodyshot and successfully killed an enemy Demonight who was crossing the middle bridge, probably running away from the visible flying rockets of a non-visible teammate Soldier.

"Ahh, that's apples mate." He cheerfully chuckled under his breath.

After the scavenger kill, his player returned Sniper's attention to the RED cart, finding out that an enemy Heavy had appeared next to it. That equally caught by surprise the BLU Pyro, who had managed to push the cart half way of that straight section and was close enough to receive heavy damage from the RED but far enough that their flames couldn't reach the enemy.

Sniper felt the reaction of his player, quickly aiming the middle point of the scope to the centre of that gigantic body. He knew that with the Sydney Sleeper, he wouldn't be able to kill the Heavy but between draining his enemy health to half and the mini-crits, the Pyro might have a chance to survive. It would have been that way if the same teammate he intended to save hadn't unintentionally crossed his visual field, blocking his shot. Two second later, without being able to do anything, the Pyro was filled with lead after dealing minimal damage to the Heavy.

After that show, Sniper let out a sigh and readied himself again. With better coordination, the Pyro would have lived but that's how Team Fortress 2 worked. They were supposed to be a team even if communication was usually non-existent. If somehow seemed to be some type of coordination, it was only serendipity.

Going back to his target at hand, he murmured as if his player could hear him.

"The big-head hasn't seen us yet. Time to avenge the Pyro."

The laser of his rifle followed the RED Heavy who hadn't stopped pushing the cart. Sniper could see that this enemy wasn't as oblivious as the earlier Scout and was constantly keeping an eye on both directions from he could be ambushed. What a pity that he would be taken down before he could realise where the shots were coming from.

Sniper grinned before he pulled the trigger.

**_Boom._ **

He missed.

His steady hands had made a hastily movement before his player had clicked the mouse 1 button and they had missed the shot by inches.

"Piss off." He muttered frustrated and spit to the floor. It was infuriating how his user had managed to miss, for so little a guy with such an enormous body. Sniper usually had a lot of patience with his players, nobody learnt how to headshot in a day, but this guy had given him little clues about being a decent-skilful player, just to quickly crash his hopes with that unlucky shot.

 _"It was only a mistake. At least, he ain't no hacker so maybe let him try again."_ He reasoned with himself.

The sharpshooter took a deep breath and decided to give another chance to his user, so he could prove him wrong.

_"Come on, mate. Prove me wrong. I know you can do it."_

Sniper focused again on the target and while his rifle was recharging, he noticed something unusual in the way his player was aiming. He was making him aim for the Heavy's head.

 _"Mongrel, this is Sydney Sleeper. A headshot ain't gonna deal more damage than a bodyshot. Don't waste our time, shoot already."_ He internally complained and shortly after, his player clicked m1, seemingly more softly than before, almost scared of making the mouse accidentally move again.

 **_Boom._ ** _Jarate Headshot. Mini-crit._

"Wot?" Sniper confusedly snorted when he saw the higher unexpected damage he had dealt. "Since when the..." He stopped on his tracks when the answer finally came to his mind.

The update.

Last month, all classes had been called for an update meeting where they had been told the new weapon redesigns and the modifications that had been incorporated to some maps like Mercenary Park. The Sydney Slipper had been one of the weapons to suffer changes and he could clearly remember now how pissed he had gotten when it had been announced that the rifle wouldn't be able to splash Jarate around anymore when fully charged. In retrospective, maybe Sniper should had paid more attention when the mini-crit headshot feature had been mentioned, instead of remonstrating so much with other fellow members of his class.

"Aarrg..." He groaned feeling guilty with himself. "Sorry, mate. I was too quickly to judge ya."

After being covered in piss, the Heavy had become paranoid, shooting to everything around even if there were no enemies in his sight. The enemy cart still advancing, Sniper's laser kept track of the Heavy's body, waiting for the rifle to recharge enough to perform the killing shot. However, just a second before he could finish off his enemy, a BLU Soldier, seemingly coming from nowhere, expertly rocket-jumped next to the RED cart and planted two gorgeous rockets in the fatman's face, stealing his kill in a scandalous manner.

 _"Oh, bugger. That was mine."_ Sniper grumbled and then, shrugged indifferently. _"Anyway, at least, I got the assist."_

Sometimes those things happened and he hoped that the person behind his controllers would see the situation like him, deciding to stick to the positive side. Although, what he didn't expect was hearing two players, a young woman and a teenager with a deep timbre, celebrating the kill in the voice chat:

"Team job!"

"Uh..." Sniper let out involuntarily.

The first thing he realised was that his user was actually a SHE, which left him a bit unease after referring to her with a masculine pronoun from the beginning of the match. He hadn't meant to be disrespectful, it was just uncommon to find female players.

The second thing he grasped from that exclamation was that she wasn't playing alone, probably being in a party with that BLU Soldier, which uplifted Sniper's spirit. Enjoying the game with company was always a different experience from playing alone. The users became more talkative and cheerful, which in return contributed to make Sniper feel more connected to his player. It was rewarding to perform your job, even if you lose miserably, when you were helping nice people to have a good time with your 10 years old videogame.

Finally, the last thing Sniper noticed was that they weren't native English speakers. Who the hell says team job? It's teamwork.

"it's teamwork" Someone in the BLU team didn't lose time on typing in the common chat.

"no, it's team job" The Soldier's player replied back.

"learn english, it's teamwork" The same person said again.

Sniper rolled his eyes at the "erudite" conversation that was going on. _"Who cares? Let them be."_ He thought for himself unable to understand how people could get so salty for so little.

Then, he felt how his player left aside the mouse to write something in the chat, leaving Sniper's body immobile.

"it's an inside joke, wanka"

"yeah, maggot"

Sniper stupidly smiled at the use of their respective tag lines. It wasn't the first time someone employed them but it always amused him how the mercenaries' unique personalities had created some kind of referent.

"You surely get into the character, miss." He silently chuckled although, his enjoyment didn't last much. Because while his player was paying more attention to the chat than to what was going on in the battlefield, an enemy Scout, who not even Sniper had seen him coming, emptied the cartridge of his Soda-popper on his back.

***DEAD***

"Bloody bogan..." Sniper muttered once he respawned.

Nevertheless, the grin was still on Sniper's lips.

_"This match promises to be interesting."_


	2. Suddenly... pineapples: plr_banana_bay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Technically two weeks have passed so here is your chapter. I didn't expect to finish it so soon. Yesterday I had a very productive day.
> 
> If you spot some mistakes, please tell me.

Sniper was on the shore spot again, behind the small deck.

Between the time that it had taken for him to respawn and go back to his current location, the BLU cart had already been pushed beyond the initial section which only left him the enemy payload to supervise.

Frankly, Sniper couldn't complain much about his performance. He had splashed with Jarate two enemies who had been killed shortly after by other teammates and successfully bodyshot an Engineer along with his appertaining mini-sentry, or as his player had announced to the voice chat:

"Mini-fucker down."

What he could actually complain about was being partially submerged into the water, which it would have been nicer if he hadn't been wearing his usual clothes. 

_"Someone needs to add trunks to the TF2 cosmetic workshop. Every other class has some tropical outfit except me. It ain't fair, watch that Heavy going with those bloody shorts and his bulky exposed legs."_ He internally moaned rather jealous.

Inexplicably, it wasn't until the Heavy reached the enemy cart and the vehicle began moving again, that Sniper realised that it was, in fact, a RED Heavy. He breathed deeply and concentrated at the target at hand, he particularly wanted to enjoy this kill.

Each generation of Sniper's cosmetics may have showed less skin than the previous one, but he still could murder mercenaries with his Jarate, so it was going to be doubly satisfying to admire those magnificent shorts covered in his own waste fluids on the dead body of his bloody enemy.

**_Boom._ ** _Jarate Bodyshot._

A smirk made his way to Sniper's lips after the first shot hit the mountain of a man.

However, this Heavy wasn't any nooby and that smile was quickly erased from his face when the fat-man took cover behind the stairs and ate a banana to restore his health to maximum.

In response, Sniper loudly groaned. He utterly hated the wide repertory of snacks that class possessed.

After that and clearly aware of a sniper's presence, the RED Heavy kept pushing the cart, advancing as close as he could to the walls of the tunnel, complicating any clear shot.

Rather fidgety, Sniper waited and waited and waited some more. His player seemed to share that same eagerness that he was feeling because she manoeuvred him several times, trying to find a better view to no avail, until at last, the Heavy got exposed again and they shot him right in the middle of his gigantic chest.

**_Boom._ ** _Jarate Bodyshot._

Perfect! If they aimed properly as they were supposed to, the enemy was going down with the next Jarate bullet. The smirk went back to Sniper's lips just to immediately disappear suddenly after, when unfortunately before the sharpshooter's rifle could completely recharged, the big guy hid behind the rock that gave entry to the underwater section.

"So the big-head will live." He muttered groundlessly disappointed.

His player seemed to disagree with him tough.

For the first time in the match, she made him leave his post and headed to the same rock the Heavy had disappear behind.

"Wot are ya planning to do?" Sniper asked to the air, wondering out loud his curiosity.

Still with his Sydney Sleeper deployed, Sniper speedily peeked over the left side of the rock, shot the Heavy without scoping and put himself behind cover just after the enemy's bullets grazed him.

He breathed hard, trying to recover after that risky move. That had been close, stupidly close.

The idea of letting the Heavy escape was starting to sound more appealing than before. Maybe they could just let this slide, find a better nest to shoot from and achieved their vengeance later.

However, that wasn't what his player had in mind.

The panic came to Sniper again when he saw the Shahanshah appearing on his hands.

_"Are ya gonna melee a Heavy? A HEAVY!?"_ He internally screamed.

Yes. Yes, she was.

Sniper circled the rock on the opposite direction and rushed to the Heavy's back with his sword up high.

"CRAZY BLOODY SHEILA!!!" He cried desperately, already foreseeing the trip to Respawn.

Sniper hit his enemy once but before he could execute the second strike, the Heavy turned around and the spinning sound of the mini-gun along with the sudden acute pain of Sniper's abdomen "politely" made him known that he was being filled with bullets. With his eyes slammed shut and coming to terms with his imminent death, he felt how his body kept moving by his own and he managed his last swing on the enemy.

Immediately after, he heard a dying cry and a familiar sound.

***CRITICAL HIT***

...

_"Uh... Oi think I'm not dead, am Oi?"_

He hesitantly opened one eye to discover that he hadn't been the one to emit that cry. The RED Heavy was laying dead in front of him, so much blood around that he couldn't tell which belong to his enemy and which to himself.

In total shock, Sniper started laughing uncontrollably.

"Thanks to Lord Gabe!" He exclaimed, still not believing what had happened. Miracles were real!

Sharing his same excitement, his player shouted out in the voice chat.

"Suddenly!..."

"Pineapples!" Three guys replied at the same time with variable degrees of enthusiasm.

Calming down himself a bit but with a mad grin in his face, Sniper thought for himself.

_"I'm gonna stop trying to find some logic to your behaviour. You all make less sense than Soldier and Pyro combined."_

Not wanting to pay attention to his injuries, Sniper let out a chuckled when his body headed for the medkit on top of the small hill to his side. He took it and jumped into the water, going back to, what it seemed, her favourite spot of the map to snipe from.

A minute or so went by, Sniper bodyshot a couple of REDs, took another medkit to restore himself to full health and accidentally headshot a Soldier. He was pretty sure it hadn't been on purpose, pretty more than sure. Some more "Suddenly!... Pineapples!" were celebrated on the voice chat and Sniper began speculating that it had something to do with crits.

It didn't take much time for his suspicions to be confirmed.

He was overseeing a BLU Heavy who had managed to push their own cart up to the middle bridge, when an enemy Pyro appeared from nowhere. Sniper's player missed the shot which it left the Heavy alone against the firebug. It could have been a balance fight if the Heavy hadn't gotten a blessing long row of crits that obliterated the Pyro in less than 5 hits.

Sniper hissed in fake pain at the demonstration of raw power and incredible luck. That could have been him in his previous duel against the other Heavy.

Just a second after, the voice of, what it could have perfectly belong to a 40-year old man, blasted on the chat along with the most creepiest giggle Sniper had ever heard. Seriously, Pyro's laugh was nothing compare to that.

"Suddenly!..."

"Pineapples!" The expected choir went on.

"why pineapples?" Someone finally typed on the BLU chat.

To be honest, Sniper had expected that question long before, probably the other BLU members weren't curious or foolish enough to ask. It also could have been that this was just another average European server where hardly anybody used the chats to communicate.

"why not?" The Soldier's player from that "team job" wrote back.

"why yes?" Someone unrelated continued.

"why maybe?" Sniper's player stopped to reply.

"why why?" Probably a member of the party said but he didn't recognize him or her.

A second passed and while Sniper had thought that the joke had already died off, his player was still typing something in the chat. He was getting anxious with his body immobilized because he had seen an invisible body dipping into the water from the medkit's hill and it was surely approaching him. He could bet on it.

Well, he didn't get the chance to, because right after that thought crossed his mind he heard the sound of an uncloaking Spy.

_"Sheila, hurry up! The Spy has come for my back!"_ He begged her desperately. How embarrassing it would be to die against a fancy Frenchman after meeling to death a Heavy Weapons Guy.

Sniper's prayers were answered and at last, his player pressed the Enter button.

"because pineapples are to pizza what crits are to TF2 or you love them or you hate them"

Sniper's body turned around and the knife's blade hit him in the shoulder, saving him from which it could have been an easy backstab.

"I'm ready for more pineapples." He muttered to the perplex Spy when his Syndey Sleeper was switched for his Shahanshah.

After Sniper struck back, the Spy withdrew into the water and the sharpshooter went after him. He began swimming in his direction shouting threats when he unexpectedly saw a Diamonback on the Spy's hands, a shinny Diamonback with stored crits.

_"Piss off."_

A ridiculous "plop" sound harshly cut into the cliff-hanger moment. A bomb had just landed between the Spy and the Sniper and both of them lower their gaze to observed it. It was a BLU bomb.

When Sniper raised his gaze again, the Spy's head had already been blown off.

"Oh, they're goin' ta have to glue you back together...IN HELL!" The BLU Demoman taunted from the medkit hill.

"Would ya look at that nice team job?" A young man with a fake Scottish accent spoke to the chat.

"Bloody gorgeous team job, mate." She added with a terrible Australian accent.

_"All hail the team job."_ Sniper thought with a crooked smile at the second time he had miraculously survived to a sure death.

However, it was eventually unavoidable he would run out of luck.

"Turn around, Edge!" Sniper's player screamed to the Demoman just before her friend was engulfed by flames. The explosive expert panicked in front of the unexpected attack, shooting bombs to the air and when he finally switched to his bottle was already too late. His scorched dead body hit the floor.

Sniper tried to shot the Pyro unscoped with his rifle, he missed the first but scored the next although he couldn't contribute to save his teammate. Without losing time, the RED Pyro grabbed the medkit from the hill and jumped in front of his next victim.

Sniper's eyes went wide when the Pyro deployed his Neon Annihilator.

"Pyro-shark! Pyro-shark!" He began yelling in fear while swimming backwards. He didn't know how or why but he could feel his player squealing in her room too.

Sniper did as best as he could, achieving another successful hit but the Pyro ultimately caught up on him.

***CRITICAL HIT***

***DEAD***

He respawned at the celebration of another "Suddenly!... Pineapples!"

_"Oi never liked Hawaiian pizza."_

* * *

Some art I did for this chapter:


	3. Collaterals, sandviches and other myths: plr_banana_bay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Me* "This is going to be the last chapter in Banana Bay. I wanted to explain 5 anecdotes in this chapter but because it's not gonna fit I'll discard one of them."
> 
> *Also me* "I'm already 1200 words and I only explained one of them. I'll have to reduce to 3 then."
> 
> *Finally me* "Well... I have 1800 words and only 2 of the anecdotes... I'll need another chapter to finish this map.¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ "  
> I suppose these are good news for you, readers.

The match had progressed. Sniper scored some more kills and mostly assists; suffered from a couple of deaths, an unexpected rocket-jumping soldier and a backstab, and at some point, he even helped push the cart. There hadn't been more kamikaze attacks and he was genuinely relieved for that.

In the current moment, he found himself in the balcony of their Spawn overseeing the enemy's base and their own BLU cart, which was stationed almost at the finish line. It only required that last tiny push to move it into the train’s trajectory so it could explode. A noble sacrifice was needed for that goal and that was probably why the BLU team had seemingly forgotten about the objective, which it wasn’t that bad for Sniper.

He was in a perfect nest from where he could easily snipe any enemy who decided to ward the cart from any BLU that changed their mind, or have a sniping duel with the opposite aussies. Moreover, if he moved to the other opening the balcony had, he also could put down those REDs who might try to move their payload up the biggest hill in the map, the one situated to their Spawn’s left.

So yeah, it was a nice spot, especially because he didn’t have to suffer water up to his neck anymore.

“I see you also went back with your ex, Zion.” A Demoknight commented next to him, with an Unusual Horseless Headless Horsemann's Headtaker proudly deployed.

Sniper recognized the voice of the guy as the Soldier’s player from that first “team job”, the one he thought in the beginning that had stolen his kill. After processing his words, the sharpshooter slightly frowned. Exes? Were they talking about personal stuff in the public voice chat?

“Oh, yes. My dear Machina deserves a second chance. It promised me a collateral.”

“The collaterals… I remember them…” He fondly said, almost nostalgic. “In my case, I just respawned and felt like doing a God-like today.” Knuckle cracking was heard from the boy’s microphone and Sniper wondered how exactly did the player managed to make that sound while keeping the speaking button pressed.“That’s why I dumped the ham.” He added.

Oh! They weren’t referring to real people, they were talking about their weapons instead. A bit curious now about that fond relationship they had with their guns, Sniper examined the Machina on his hands. It was nothing out of the ordinary, no rare skins or killstreak added. Though, he noticed the description tag:

''Because at the end of the day, bodyshots are still kills.''

Sniper rolled his eyes even before finishing reading the sentence.

 _“I’m starting to have the impression that you got some preference over bodyshots, sheila.”_ He thought cynically with a smile.

Outside his mind, the conversation had seemed to come to an end and the young woman gave farewell to the other player.

“Good luck with your challenge then, I’ll be here snipping other snipers.” Then, she called for attention.“Watch me, Derp.”

With the rifle full charged, Sniper moved out of cover ready for a long range cowboy Western duel.

 **_Boom._ ** _Headshot._

A bullet pierced through Sniper’s skull and his body fell to the ground like a hilarious rag doll.

***DEAD***

His player hadn’t been the fastest one this time.

A second of tense silence passed and Derp’s laugh exploded in the voice chat afterwards, echoing all over Sniper’s disembody soul. Trapped in the dark void of those seconds before respawning, the boy’s guffaw felt as a higher entity was mocking him. It was rude, actually, it was some levels over of “rather rude” and almost reaching “I want to slap your face, kid”.

“Shut up, Derp.” The sheila protested but he completely ignored her, struggling to keep his respiration at an acceptable pace.

When Sniper rematerialized in the Respawn room almost ten seconds later, the player was still laughing.

“Oh my god! You should have seen you. Your body…” He finally stopped to take a breath and didn’t continue with the humiliation.

Mad with his player and even more with that so called Derp, Sniper headed again for the balcony, just to find that the Demoknight was still there. Even the Scottish was smirking at him. Sniper threw him a glare that could have headshot Scouts in the middle of the air but his co-worker only shrugged at him, still with his stupid lips curved up.

_“Didn’t this guy want to do a God-like?”_

“Didn’t you want to do a God-like?” His player inquired obviously offended.

“Oh… and I will.” He answered overconfident of himself. “But I want to enjoy the show a little longer. Maybe until you get a collateral…”

Sniper could hear the smile in the boy’s face just by the way he talked. The “I want to slap your face, kid” level had already been surpassed for some kind of “You deserve Jarate all over your persona”.

“You’ll be here for a while then.” She reluctantly admitted accepting reality. When the Machina was full charged, she repeated the same process as before and got into the open section of the balcony.

 **_Boom._ ** _Bodyshot. CO-LLA-TE-RAL -Snipers down-_

Sniper blinked at the unexpected feat he had just accomplish. With a self-proud attitude, he turned to the Demoknight who wasn’t smirking anymore, in fact, his mouth hanged wide open. However, he quickly recovered and gave him an approval look.

“And that was “a while”. You are free to go now.” The sheila spatted back as her moment of retribution.

“Your… your superpower… your damn superpower…” He muttered as in shock.

“Indeed.” Sniper imagined her with a sly Spy-ish smile, probably similar as the one he was wearing right now.

On the other hand, Derp sighed in defeated.

“Okey. True to his words, this knight will leave to do a God-like. Farewell, my lady.” Said that, the Scottish walked to the edge of the balcony and charged to the shore under him with a singular war cry:

“For Narniaaa!”

Despite the effects of the charge wearing off, the Demoknight kept running over the water like some kind of black Jesus after he disappeared behind enemy territory. That was how physics worked on Team Fortress 2, you could fly shooting rockets to the ground as well as die by afterburn under water. It was very logical, wasn't it?

Sniper cocked an eyebrow. The guy might be a wanka but he knew how to make an exit, he had to admit that.

Player and mercenary should have paid more attention to their surroundings because a rocket exploded next to Sniper's feet sending him flying up to the air with such a force that his head collided with the ceiling. Disorientated by the sudden attack, he managed to land with modest dignity and tried to retreat to the Respawn room but the blast of the following rockets reached him anyway.

Did you remember that blast could travel around corners too? Because apparently it did.

***DEAD***

Sniper respawned with the same bad mood as last time. That amazing feeling he got thanks to the collateral had totally vanished after the helpless death and he wasn't that enthusiastic about returning to the balcony, where there was a good chance that the enemy Soldier was waiting for him. In the same moment he sighed accepting he didn't have a word on the matter, he also felt a familiar energy filling his body.

He raised his eyes from the floor and looked at the fancy Medic who was overhealing him. The doctor was using a Medigun with isotope effect and a Piña Polished War Paint skin.

"Your player is from the Pineapple team too, ain't he?" The Australian asked the German at the sight of that distinctive Medigun.

The Medic took a second to interpret the question and showed him the name of the weapon: "Suddenly: Unusual Pineapples".

 _"Bloody hell, these guys seem to be the entirely BLU team! Maybe they are!"_ Sniper internally exclaimed.

"Ja and it appears you got zee bodyshooter girl." His teammate verbally answered, while following him to his snipping spot in the balcony.

"Did you notice it too?" Sniper replied like it wasn't the most obvious thing in the server. With the Machina full charged he peeked from behind cover. He expected the Medic to leave, but he didn't.

 **_Boom._ ** _Bodyshot. - Sniper down -_

"Hard not to notice, especially vhen she whispers in zee voice chat "Eat my piss, vanka"." The Medic kept the chit-chat going, wondering too why he was still there.

Oh, yes... She had done that, although Sniper had to admit that he agreed with her. He had also taunted that Spy in his own way. Bloody spies.

"She did some headshots too but Oi think most of them weren't on purpose."

 **_Boom._ ** _Bodyshot._

The Soldier that Sniper had just hit tried to rocket-jump and died by his own blast damage.

A small smile appeared in Sniper's lips.

_"Eat your blast, wanka."_

"Don't take it vrong, I'm not judging her. Look at mein player, he is getting azists from accidental deaths vhile gaining points for overhealing ein Sniper." The doctor said pronouncing Sniper's class like it was some kind of disgrace to him.

"That sounded offensive to me, mate." Sniper reproached him. He knew he wasn't the preferred patient on any Medic list but he liked to believe that he wasn't at the same level as a Scout.

 **_Boom._ ** _Bodyshot. -Pyro down-_

"What are you doing here, Martin?" A deep voice asked on the chat and both Sniper and Medic needed a second to realise that it wasn't coming from the Heavy that was behind them. Was the guy who had just spoke the same from that creepy high pitch giggle?

Sniper shivered remembering that demonical laugh.

"Getting easy points from Zion. Do you have something better to offer? Eh, eh, Ragox?" A young man with a nasal voice teased the two mountains of a man, the mercenary and probably the one controlling him too.

Heavy's response was to switch to his secondary weapon and throw him a sandvich.

The Medic was visibly moved by the offering.

"It's been so long zince a nice Heavy gave me a sandvich. Now all they have are bananas." The doctor explained almost at the edge of crying and the sharpshooter started reconsidering all he knew about the Medic class. Their job was way over underrated if a simple gesture of kindness like that could trigger such a reaction in the cold German.

"A sandvich?" Martin theatrically scolded him. "Do you think I'm going to fall for that?"

Neither Ragox or the Heavy didn't say anything and between a quick unscope, Sniper spot the hate on the Medic's glare when he looked up to the ceiling, internally cursing his player.

A dramatic second later, Medic's user spoke again.

"Of course I will! It's a sandvich! Come on, Ragox move your fat ass."

 _"What a bloody mongrel..."_ Sniper thought laughing under his teeth at the situation.

The duo jumped from the balcony and the last peek the sharpshooter got from them was about the doctor spilling tears for real and the big guy patting his back with a broad comradely smile.

 **_Boom._ ** _Headshot. -Invisible Spy down-_

They had been aiming for the Pyro right in front of the fortuitous victim.

Sniper raised his eyes to the sky with his mood fully restored.

"Don't tell me that headshot was on purpose, sheila. Oi not gonna believe ya."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, all I'm writing here has happened to us for real. With some embellishments and obviously not in a sigle game but we have so many crazy and lucky moments to share...


	4. Standards: plr_banana_bay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Past me* Why there are now 6 expected chapters in the description? You said this was going to be the last chapter in Banana Bay.
> 
> *Present me* Well... I started writing and it ended up longer than I thought so I had to divide it in two chapters. The one I'm just publishing is the longest until now.
> 
> *Past me* But, but, but...
> 
> *Future me* Shut up, you two! I also added a surprise in the End Notes so you better check it out later.

Those dark orange eyes were piercing through Sniper's soul, judging each one of the sins he had ever committed and planning the worst imaginable tortures in retaliation. Those eyes were dead, hollow, hunted. They were the eyes of a deadly hunter, a nocturnal predator, a winged beast.

"Having a gander at this little beauty?" His new snipping partner asked him, snapping our protagonist Sniper from his trance.

"You could say that..." The sharpshooter replied to the other Australian and forced himself to stop staring at the Sir Hootsalot that rested on top of the other's shoulder. Not that he actually needed the concentration to shoot his targets, the sheila was doing all the job, it was just he couldn't properly focus on what his hands were doing with the eyes of that dead animal observing him from the side.

 **Dead,** yes. You read it right, **dead.** Sir Hootsalot was really, truly, verily and **really truly verily dead.** All cosmetics animals employed in the game were dead. They were stuff virtual animals.

That was one of the dark truths our digital mercenaries had to live with every day and it was probably for the best.

Dying in a daily basis was hard enough that Sniper couldn’t imagine how it would be if he had a living animal permanently attached to his shoulder, suffering each shot and explosion as he did. He knew that more than one Soldier wouldn’t complain about having a rabid raccoon hanging from his belt but personally, he preferred the morbid reality even though those piercing eyes unsettled him beyond his comprehension.

Maybe they, the mercenaries, were all supposed to be like those stuff animals, just empty shells and virtual mindless puppets. Maybe their sentience had been a mistake on the programme in the attempt of making them more realistic. Maybe they…

“Mate, you are blocking my view.” The other Sniper complained.

“Not my fault, sorry.” Our protagonist apologized and he received a unintelligible grumble in response. "Now, _you_ are blocking my view, mate."

"Not my fault, _mate_." His not so nice partner retorted.

Had this guy just tried to mock him exaggerating their shared accentuated Australian accent? Didn't he realised that they looked identically the same and had the same voice and verbal mannerisms?

Sniper wanted to believe that he, himself, wasn't such a mongrel. Those incidents with the aimbots had given him perspective and maturity, hadn't they? He fought his instincts and didn't bark back. Instead, he prayed to Lord Gabe.

_"Please, switch this sorry excuse of a professional to the other team so Oi can bodyshot him."_

However, what it really happened was that his player made him unscoped and moved him to the other opening of the balcony. It felt like some kind of defeat being him the one to leave the other alone on the preferred snipping spot. Not that Sniper was being very fruitful without any potential victims to shoot but it stunk nonetheless.

Just when his rifle was full charged again, an enemy Pyro made act of presence.

 **_Boom._ ** _Bodyshot._

He didn’t kill the Pyro. The firelover had survived his bodyshot with 3hp.

 _“Oh, come on!”_ Hadn’t anybody scratched this guy before?

Sniper switched to his melee weapon, ready to jump from the balcony and finish what he had started when a Demoknight, charging at the speed of light, appeared from the same corner the Pyro had come and decapitated the enemy with a clean swing.

“Team job!” Mister Derp exclaimed in the chat but the sheila didn’t rejoice with him.

 _“That Pyro was a walking corpse. He was our walking corpse.”_ He internally reproached him.

Sniper mentally stopped on his tracks.

Bloody hell! Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was as grumpy as the other Sniper. He shook his head. No. He had standards. He had his standards, hadn’t he?

The Australian couldn't help but to observe the Scottish explosions expert. That guy was having the time of his life. He could heard his laugh even from the balcony. So much raw emotion. For a second, he envied him.

Then, he repeated to himself that he had his standards.

“Oh, god! How many heads do you already have, Derp? You move faster than a Scout.” The sheila asked him somewhat impressed.

“Eight, soon to be nine and then ten and so on.” The young man replied even more confident than last time he had spoken.

“You know it’s highly probable that you will get killed before that, don’t you? 20 kills in one life are a lot of kills.” She explained trying to put some common sense into him.

"I've done this before." Sniper watched the Demoknight take the medkit and leave through the wood divider from on top of the hill. "Don't worry, I have everything under... " Derp let out a scream like if he had been backstabbed in real life and yelped afterwards. "Nope! I'm leaving. Bye-bye Heavy and Medic!"

A second later, the sharpshooter saw the Scottish reappearing from behind the rocks of the ocean, running over water again. He didn't seem as exhilarated as before.

Sniper's lips quirked up at that scene.

"Why did you speak? You almost jinx it!" The Demonknight's player accused her.

"No, I didn't. On the contrary, I use my superpower to help you." He replied not caring at the least.

"It doesn't seem so from my point of view. Also, you already used your power today. Doesn't it have a limitation or something?"

"I don't know. We'll have to test it." Then, she casually added. "There's a Scout coming after you."

“Where?” Derp inquired and just afterwards he received a scattergun shot from a swimming little gremlin. The boy let out another scream and the Demoknight turned around frantically, trying to find the source of the attack. He never got to spot the enemy because Sniper shot him first.

 **_Boom._ ** _Bodyshot. –Scout down-_

“Never mind, he’s dead.” The Sheila informed her even more idly than more. However, the sharpshooter would have bet that there was a half-smile on her lips.

Why Sniper had the impression that his player had waited until the Scout had started attacking before putting a bullet in his chest? Maybe because she did. His rifle had been full charged all the time and ready to take the shot.

 _“You’re crazy and evil.”_ He thought to himself like if she could hear him and it surprised him that the supposed reproach sounded in his head more supportive than condemnatory.

He shrugged. His standards didn’t say anything against giving humility lessons in the most painful ways, didn’t they?

“Don’t do that to me again!” Derp demanded her with an odd mix of desperation and genuinely annoyance.

“I can’t promise anything.” She replied at the same time that Sniper unscoped and examined that side of the map in search of more potential victims.

Immediately after, the rest of the Pineapple team gave their opinion about the topic.

“You know that she will.” Edge, the Demoman who had saved him from the Spy with crits, expressed with a funny accent the sharpshooter didn’t recognize.

“She surely will.” Ragox, the Heavy in real life, corroborated.

“Yep.” Martin simply affirmed.

Even a non-related guy stopped to type in the chat.

“she will without a doubt”

That was maybe too much. Sniper was starting to feel sorry for the general mocking the young man was suffering.

Ha, ha, ha.

Who was he kidding? He actually didn’t.

“Oh, shut up everyone!” Derp moaned and the Demoknight disappeared from Sniper’s sight, probably full of resentment and craving for more heads as his player did. The Australian honestly wished him a prosperous hunt. That Scottish might be a bit cocky too but Sniper didn't profess him as much ill will as he did forwards his player.

Surprisingly the chat fell silence, the Pineapple team apparently knew when to stop teasing each other, which frankly amazed the sharpshooter. Respect was the basis of any team and they seemed to take that into account.

And talking about respect...

"You're back." The other Australian spat him with disdain when he returned to the previous snipping spot.

In response, Sniper kept his face blank and didn't acknowledge his attitude which it seemingly enraged the other because he let out a curse under his breath.

 _"How did both of us come from the same digital code?"_ He wondered scrutinizing his nest partner in hopes of finding a physical difference that may indicate an error in his programming.

He didn't find any tough.

 **_Boom._ ** _Bodyshot._

Sniper shot a RED Solider while he was leaving the opposite Spawn but at full health as the enemy was, he didn't successfully kill him.

 **_Boom._ ** _Headshot. -Soldier down-_

The other sharpshooter finished the job when the RED's head showed up shortly after.

Impressed, our Australian threw a peek to his undesirable partner and he found him mortally serious. After a great shot like that, he still looked like he hated everyone in the server. That wasn't a mood to have while performing the profession you love.

"Fine shot, mate!" Sniper's vocal cords spontaneously blurted out. The sheila had pressed the default key: C → 7 (Nice shot) and it took him totally by surprise. He kept observing the other Australian. Another player praising him surely had to evocate some positive effect on his attitude, hadn't it?

Instead, the irritable Sniper frowned. Profusely.

Suddenly, an unwillingly "Appreciate it, mate!" came out from him with a uncharacteristic positivity that didn't match his deadly somber face. His user had thanked the sheila pressing the default key: Z → 2 and it ignited the already spoiled mood of the other sharpshooter.

"It was a really nice shot." Our protagonist sincerely admitted it to the grumpy one. It was an honest confession from Sniper to Sniper, from professional to professional. They were both supposed to have standards.

_"Be polite."_

However, the other Australian opted for plainly ignore him. For a second, it even gave the impression that he was going to spit on him but he just kept looking through his scope while his body trembled with anger.

 _"Oi don't know what it's wrong with you, mate but you ain't right on the head."_ Sniper dismissed him.

After all he had gone through himself, after all those hackers, after being thrown around like a mindless puppet, after all those painful deaths and desperate moments, Sniper had always been loyal to his personal mantras. That was the only thing for sure he possessed through time and place and he couldn't understand what could have happened to the other guy, who was supposed to be a copy of him, to become so different.

It infuriated him. That Sniper was a disgrace to the class. He had turned his back to the basis of what they were.

 **_Boom._ ** _Bodyshot. - Engineer down -_

 **_Boom._ ** _-Sentry down -_

The two sharpshooter fired simultaneous taking down the enemy Engineer who had dared to attempt to build something in his own balcony. Their reflexes and coordination had been flawless.

_"Be efficient."_

After the shot, Sniper unscoped. He had gotten to know that the sheila was a paranoid. She had a tendency to hear spies that weren't there but this time, she wasn't that out of track. A RED Pyro was preparing his Thermal Thruster over the railways with the intention of flying into the balcony.

"Other Sniper, RUN!" The sheila warned his snipping partner but the other player didn't react.

The wisest course of action would have been to follow her own advice and take shelter into the Spawn room but _of course_ Sniper's player wasn’t going to stand back from a face to face encounter.

He switched to his melee weapon and took some steps back.

Bloody heck, she had made him melee a Heavy to death, A HEAVY. A Pyro was probably just a literal firebug on the eyes of that reckless woman.

The Australian slightly crouched, adopting a battling pose. There was nothing he could do aside from preparing himself against the fire monster. He didn’t have a word on the matter so better be ready to fight for his life.

He eyed the pyromaniac and just when he was going to took flight in their direction, the grouchy Sniper partly turned his head to our sharpshooter and muttered:

“For the record, Oi would have never chosen the Razorback.”

Sniper's eyes went wide.

He hadn't sounded angry or frustrated. On the contrary, he had sounded sad, depressed, utterly broken. He had sounded like a man who had given up on everything and in return, everyone had given up on him. It was terrifying, in particular because it had come from a man with exactly the same voice as him. He didn't know he could sound so extremely despairing.

The mumbling abomination landed on the balcony and, as soon as he deployed his flamethrower, he focused on the immobile enemy who's player hadn't noticed his presence yet. The smartest strategy would have consisted on targeting the BLU who was actually attacking him but this game was Team Fortress 2 and decent strategies were non-existent.

While the Pyro was busy burning the other Australian, Sniper hit him twice with his scimitar, although much time didn't pass until the demon in a fire suit ended the life of his first victim.

The other sharpshooter never got the chance to defend himself.

Afterwards, the monster turned his attention to the remaining enemy.

Both mercenaries circled around each other. Fire consuming Sniper's health points despite the protection of his Darwin's Danger Shield. He could guess that the other had been full health when he had come after them.

If that was true, Sniper might not make it out of this fight alive.

***CRITICAL HIT***

The lifeless body of the RED monster fell to the floor and the inexplicable properties of his secondary weapon extinguished any trace of fire from Sniper.

"Suddenly..."

"Pineapples!" The Pineapple team roared at unison. He noticed that Mr. Derp seemed to be in a especially great mood again.

Sniper should have celebrated with them, but yet he didn't. Instead, he looked down and examined the two laying corpses. The RED firelover and the alternative version of himself.

 _"Have a plan to kill everyone ya meet."_ It resonated in his mind.

Frankly? He didn't know how to feel about it.

 _"Feelins'? Look mate, you know who has a lot of feelings?"_ His own words were replayed in his head.

It took a lot of mental effort but in the end, Sniper managed to confess out loud:

"Me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm probably going to regret this in a couple of months, so if the video is no longer available you know why:
> 
> Meet the Zion (Parody of Meet the Sniper)  
> https://youtu.be/F1Vz12Bt2uk


	5. Sacrifices: plr_banana_bay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added a drawing at the end of Chapter 2, go now to check it before you forget.
> 
> Okey? Did you check it already? Great.
> 
> There was supposed to be an additional chapter to this story with Mr. Derp as the protagonist but if I write it in the end, it will be in a separate work.
> 
> The Pineapple Team story officially ends here but probably not Sniper's adventures. Read the End Notes for more information about the Herculean project I have in mind.
> 
> But now prepare yourselves for the longest chapter ever!

The grumpy Sniper never came back.

His body disappeared after the regular time but the sullen Australian never returned to the balcony. His player had presumably switched classes and therefore, sending the mind of that troubled man into the darkness.

Sniper didn't know why but it plagued him.

_"Liar."_

Okay. He knew why it plagued him but he didn't want to acknowledge it. He didn't want to consciously acknowledge it.

He had heard about them.

He had heard about those mercenaries who had lived enough matches, who had died enough times, who had stood still for enough hours in empty servers to be thrown over the edge of their flimsy sanity. He had heard about them but this was the first time he had witnessed a case that could qualify for that category.

He also knew what eventually ended up happening to them.

Sniper shivered.

He didn't want to think about it.

He didn't want to think that he was here now because another Sniper before him had been erased from the code. He didn't want to think about how he had misinterpreted the warning signs the other Australian had sent him. He didn't want to think about all what he could have told him to make him feel better, to make him realize that they were so much more that meaningless tools condemned to die over and over inside a body they could only partially control.

However, the point he was trying to ignore with all of his might was that maybe one day, he may become that grumpy Sniper and it was possible that another mercenary wouldn't be able to reach him in time. As it had just happened some moments ago.

It scared him.

Sniper shivered again.

He would have slapped himself if he had could. But he couldn't. It reminded him of all those little things he wished to do but he couldn't neither.

He mentally slapped himself.

He had to stop that trend of thoughts right now. It didn't benefit him at all.

"Suddenly..." Edge started.

"Pineapples!" Sniper exclaimed along with the choir. He didn't know who Edge had killed but he celebrated the crit with the Pineapple team nonetheless. He forced himself to celebrate it with them.

Accepting that he had fears and insecurities didn't mean that he had to deliberately wallow in that emotional puddle of mud.

Sniper breathed deeply and focused on the mechanical moves of his hands. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the reloading of the rifle and in particular, in the texture of the bullet. It might have been in his code but the sensation of that cold metal against his calloused digital fingers always aroused on him a satisfying soothing feeling.

He loved snipping.

He liked his job as a Team Fortress 2 class.

It was true there were bad days. TER-RI-BLE days.

 **_Boom._ ** _Headshot. - Heavy down -_

Sniper half-smiled.

But there were good days too. GREAT days too.

"Oh, ya learnt how to headshot, sheila. Oi'm almost impressed." Sniper friendly mocked her and as impossible as it was, the members of the team reacted to his comment like if they had heard it.

"Zion headshooting! Someone take a screenshot! Quickly!" Mr. Derp joked.

"Done it!" Martin cheerfully make him know.

"You can hang it in your fridge." Ragox suggested.

"Guys, it was a Heavy. I was obviously going to headshot him." She complained about the unjustified attention she was receiving but she didn't sound genuinely annoyed.

"Are we sure it wasn't by accident?" Edge brought up with an insinuating tone.

"This time it wasn't." She assured them.

"This time..." A couple of the boys murmured, overlapping each other in a way that made it impossible to distinguish which two of the members had actually said that. Or had it been three of them?

Sniper half-smiled turned into a short laugh.

It might come the day when he no longer enjoyed his profession but for now, he would cherish each second of the present. Every match was unique and every player was a whole different experience.

"Who is pushing the cart? I'm trying to do a God-like here!" Derp protested to the server and shortly after, Edge's sly chuckle made evident who the culprit was.

Slightly shaking his head at their impish behavior, Sniper scoped and double-checked through the lent of his rifle that there was, in fact, a Demoman standing behind the cart who was also bombarding grenades at the enemy balcony. The Australian shrugged a little at the scene. It seemed that the noble sacrifice had finally decided to present himself to the mighty train of Banana Bay and that meant that they may finish this round soon.

In that instant, Sniper realized that he didn't want the round to finish just yet.

"I got your back, Edge." Zion informed his friend.

At hearing that, the sharpshooter let out a sigh and straightened his lanky body. If the round was going to end already, he was going to enjoy every second of it and give the best of himself.

It was almost instinctive how he noticed that the middle point of his scope started following a friendly Pyro. He had appeared from under their own balcony and was running now over the railways onto the Demoman's position. Sniper couldn't put a finger on what exactly was wrong with the firelover but his guts were screaming at him that there was something suspicious about him. That Pyro was a Spy, he could feel it somehow.

He was already caressing the trigger before the order came.

**_Boom._ **

Nothing happened.

Had they missed? Was the Spy using a Kunai? Or wasn't a Spy at all? Was he becoming as paranoid as the sheila?

His laser kept accompanying the Schrödinger firebug. He could deduce that his player also suspected that the Pyro was a Spy. It had to be a Spy. They weren't crazy, were they?

Sniper eagerly waited for his rifle to recharge. His body trembling with impatience at each step the potential enemy took closer to the teammate his user had promised to protect. A teammate totally oblivious to the latent danger that was approaching him from behind.

"We have your back, mate." The Australian muttered, readying himself to take the shot.

The Spy in disguise was almost there. He was alarmingly too close. The Machina's bar wasn't completely full yet but if they waited half a second more, Edge and his Demoman would be backstabbed.

"Now sheila!" Sniper exclaimed out loud, living the situation closer to home than it was usual on him.

 **_Boom._ ** _Bodyshot. - Spy down -_

Unfortunately, they shot a fraction of a second too late.

_"Bloody phony scoundrel!"_

The Australian observed frustrated the insulting representation of their failure. A frozen statue of the explosive expert stood on the place of the friend they hadn't been able to save.

He clenched his grasp on the rifle.

Why he suddenly care so much about saving his teammates? Was it because of his interaction with the grumpy Sniper?

With nobody near the cart, the vehicle sloped down from the small elevation of the final stretch.

"Nooo, Edge!" The sheila noisily cried. "Sorry I couldn't save you." She apologized as disappointed as the sharpshooter felt.

The unlucky victim let out some kind of resigned groan almost at the same time that Mr. Derp celebrated his friend's death with a mean snicker.

"Your sacrifice won't be in vain." Zion promised to the voice chat and before Sniper could acknowledge it, his legs began to move by themselves, jumping from the balcony onto the BLU cart's direction.

As far as the sharpshooter remembered it, there hadn't been an update removing the Machina's inability to shoot without scoping so going into the open battlefield with only his Shahanshah as a weapon was an absolutely madness.

A madness he was totally on board with it.

The truth was that Sniper should have panicked, cursed and screamed like in his encounter against the Heavy. In the best case scenario he was going to die in the explosion created by the train's collision and in any other more probable outcome, he was going to die anyway. There was no salvation for him so he should have been yelling at the top of his lungs right now. Instead, there was an insane smile in his lips and a lunatic gaze in his eyes.

He felt so bloody alive even if he knew he was running towards his imminent death.

The sheila wanted the round to end and so they will make it happen, honoring in the process the memory of Edge and that Demoman. Those guys had died more than once for and because of Sniper and his player. It was about time to return the favor.

He definitely was going to push that damn cart as the mentally ill professional he was.

In what it seemed a shorter span of time than it had actually been, Sniper reached the vehicle and made sure to stick close so it wouldn't slop down again. Inspecting both sides of the railway for other mercenaries, he realized that the train was nowhere to be seen. In fact, the gates weren't open yet and he didn't recall hearing the whistle of its horn.

They had rushed to the cart too soon.

He would have to pray to Lord Gabe not to be killed until the train arrived.

The Australian was readying his plea when in that precise instant, an enemy RED Soldier rocket-jumped to the upper bridge, landing next to the medkit's spot, just in the middle section of the rail line. He turned his head at Sniper's position and sinisterly smiled at him.

Scrap those hopes. Praying to Lord Gabe was futile.

Two rockets flew in his direction and with the intention of avoiding as much damage as he could, the sheila made him take cover behind the cart. The sharpshooter wasn't sure if he should be grateful for this "tactical" strategy or not. Meleeing the Soldier would have been a crazier decision than attacking that Heavy but the payload could only provide limited protection to the blast and despite the healing capabilities of the vehicle, he was already under half of his maximum health. He wouldn't last a couple of more rockets. They had to take action. They had to headshot the Soldier somehow if they wanted to survive.

Sniper peeked over the cart with his Machina, scoped for a fraction of a second, shot and hid again. It had been a desperate move and maybe the worst shot he had took in the whole match. His hands had been shaky and his vision, blurry. On top of that, they hadn't even stopped to properly aim at the sight of another rocket coming towards him.

Therefore, they didn't accomplish anything positive.

Actually, it was quite the opposite. The blast from the aforementioned projectile slightly propelled him up to the air, bringing his whole body to the edge of his physical resistance. Sniper groaned in pain when he hit the floor again. It was a miracle he was still alive. He was only 12 hp.

One more rocket and he was going down for sure.

In the meanwhile, the insane American laughed at their pathetic attempt. If they had actually hit him, he didn't seem to show it. The man sounded so confident, he was probably enjoying this "battle" against an adversary who couldn't even fight back.

"Listen to this, camper, you are not wanted on my beloved battlefield!" The RED exclaimed while advancing onto Sniper's direction.

At hearing the threat, the sharpshooter firmly clutched his Shahanshah and clenched his teeth. He refused to die like this. He wasn't going to fail in this mission as he had failed the Demoman or the grumpy Sniper.

He RE-FU-SED to!

However, his body didn't move. He stood hidden behind the cart with his back against the vehicle, waiting for the unavoidable.

In that exact moment and without being able to tell how far away the Soldier still was, the Australian identified the sound of a rocket impacting against the ground and almost at the same time, a minigun started spinning under the RED's Spawn area.

By the angle Sniper was crouching down it made impossible to spot the Heavy and hence, identify to which team the bald giant belong so he followed the trail of bullets flying towards him and felt immensely relieved when he noticed that they were aimed for a target situated way on top of his position.

The bullets didn't hit him but realization did.

_"Bugger!"_

The American had rocket-jumped.

Sniper hesitantly looked up to the sky just to find the crazy self-called war veteran seemingly suspended in the air, a dozen of feet above of him. That Soldier was the breathing picture of insanity, with his eyes infused with pure madness and a psychotic grin in his lips in despite of being pierced by the multiple bullets of the Heavy's minigun.

After all, it was only going to take one rocket to kill the foolhardy camper who had dare to adventure outside his piteous nest.

Sniper could very say his goodbyes.

"KA-" The Soldier began shouting but he was suddenly cut short by a crossbow syringe that stabbed him in the eye.

The finishing rocket never came.

Instead, the lifeless body of the RED enemy was propelled backwards, impacting against the railway and falling down to the lowest level of the map. Sniper partially stood up to watch the corpse sliding down from the upper bridge like a man size rag doll.

That wasn't how physics were supposed to work but he sighed in relief anyway.

"Ze healing is not as revarding as ze hurting."

A Medic walked up the small elevation and switched from his crossbow to his Piña Polished Medigun, pointing the tool at the most fortunate Sniper in the server. The dubious crazy gun man closed his eyes for a second, enjoying the sensation of the pain going away.

"Our paths cross again, bodyshooter." The German friendly commented with the satisfied face of a narcissistic savior.

"They do, point farmer." The Australian replied back with a nervous chuckle, still processing his unexpected rescue, and received a cocked eyebrow from the Medic.

"The cavalry is here!" Ragox announced while his Heavy jogged next to the other mercenaries. The big guy saluted them with a nod and began shooting bullets against the RED's balcony while laughing with the confidence of the knowledge that he wouldn't run out of ammo.

"I thought I was a goner. I own you one, thank you guys." The sheila expressed her gratitude with such overreaction as she had been the one to be on the open battlefield.

"Honor to help, woman." The Heavy said to the sky with his chest puffed out.

It was then when Sniper realized that this was the first time he had heard the mountain of a man speak in front of him and struck him as odd how his Russian accent was clearly softer than it was usual for a Heavy.

Following next, the big guy eyed the other mercenaries behind him and proudly pointed out. "We are all Pineapple Team after all."

The Heavy winked to them.

THE HEAVY WINKED TO THEM.

A HEAVY WINKING!

Sniper would have gasped in awe if he hadn't been still recovering from the shock of being saved in the last second.

"For thoze 3 sandviches, I'm any fruit team zey vant." The Medic laughed at his own joke and switched the aim of his Medigun to the Russian.

The Australian felt silence for a moment. There was some truth in what the Heavy had said. He hardly remembered a time when the members of a team had acted like these people, watching each other backs and coming to the rescue of wounded friends. It made him feel more connected to the situation, it made him care for the outcome of this battle. How he could not? He was a Pineapple member too.

"Come on, get out of the cart!" Derp protested and then, interrupted himself to exclaim: "Seventeen! Eighteen heads! I almost have the God-like. Do me the favor."

The virtual mercenaries looked at each other. Their bodies weren't moving from the cart.

"Not nice friends." The Heavy shook his head pretty serious.

The railroad crossing gates began opening and the characteristic sound of the train's horn announced that the mighty vehicle would come soon to sweep them along.

Edge's snicker resonated on the voice chat.

Sniper couldn't decide now who was in the top of his "Meanest Pineapple member" list.

Their suicide mission seemed to be already fulfilled when an enemy Pyro appeared from under the hillock. In the short span that took the Heavy to redirected the aim of his minigun, the mumbling abomination closed the gap between the group.

That Asbestos monster didn't pretend to really believe that he would be able to kill a Medic and a Heavy in a face to face fight, did he?

In that second where the world seemed to slow down, Sniper paid more attention to the firelover's loadout and identified a Degreaser in his hands.

That was a Pyro who knew how to use Mouse 2.

The Australian looked back from the corner of his eye and saw the train making act of presence at the opposite side of the map. If they were airblasted after this precise instant, only the Medic would have a chance to get back to the cart before the two vehicles were expected to collide.

They were going to fail.

Everything had been in vain.

Edge's death, Sniper's race to the cart, the "battle" against the Soldier, the rescuing Medic-Heavy duo.

All in vain.

Sniper blinked and the head of the Pyro rolled to his feet.

"Nineteen!" Derp roared and his Demoknight disappeared from the upper bridge as quickly as he had appeared, like an authentic human shooting star.

The trio stood there dumbfounded, observing the dead body of the firebug.

The boy had come to their rescue.

After all the mocking, after ignoring him in so many ways, after disobeying his request to wait for his God-like, he had come and killed the Pyro who was treating their mission.

In front of that attitude, Sniper could only give him his respects.

With the train dangerously approaching, the Heavy was the first to snapped back to reality and solemnly declared.

"It is been pleasure to fight together."

"Same here, mate." Sniper tipped his hat with his free hand.

"Heil, us!" The Medic proclaimed and instantly after, their bodies blown up in the collision's explosion at the same time that Mr. Derp bellowed on the chat: "Twenty! God-like! Yeah!" and the other members shouted out: "Team job!".

***DEAD***

It had never felt so good to die.

It had never felt so bloody gratifying.

Floating on the incorporeal place that was Respawn, Sniper overheard some of the Pineapple team members whispering.

"He hasn't realized yet."

"Twenty one."

"Should we tell him?"

"Twenty two."

"Nah... He is happier as he is."

"What I haven't realized yet?" The Demoknight's player with twenty two, no, twenty three heads dare to ask.

"Check the Highest killstreak of the scoreboard." Edge brought the bad news to him.

Inquisitive about what they were exactly referring, Sniper concentrated his disembodied mind and consulted the scoreboard as the former boy had suggested.

_"Highest killstreak: Mr. Derp - 19 kills."_

"Oh! Fuck you all!" The not-God-like-anymore player bemoaned.

That last kill Derp had celebrated had been registered just a fraction of a second after the payload capture.

For the first time he could remember, Sniper burst out in laughing despite not having a body and it lasted a long couple of seconds, almost until the end of the humiliation round.

Despite wanting to stay for a little longer, the darkness began calling the sharpshooter and he surrendered himself to the mysterious void not without conceiving his last thought.

_"Oi was right. This match was a bloody ripper!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of the Pineapple Team story and first of all, I would like to thank all of those people who have read my story and give me feedback, chapter after chapter. If you haven't left a comment yet, please, I would appreciate your sincere opinion at least at the end of this story.
> 
> I must say that this is the first time I write such a long story in English, I'm not a native speaker, and feel like my writing skills had evolved during the story. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.
> 
> Regarding to that Herculean project I mentioned in the Beginning Notes, I won't make any promises. I have created in my mind a whole different story for this universe. A long, serious story without players and centered around the virtual mercenaries and their digital world. "Brave New Update" It will be called but I don't feel like start writing it right now and for such a project, I will need a BetaReader or two, that I don't have. So if someone wants to volunteer for that job I will give him or her a hug.
> 
> My user Steam name is Dr. Zion Stone, feel free to add me.
> 
> See ya around.

**Author's Note:**

> Any feedback is welcome, as well as, your own contributions to this humble collection.
> 
> Do you want to share how Soldier felt when you learnt how to rocket-jump? Do it!  
> Do you want to share that "This is Sparta" moment your Pyro experienced when you airblasted from a cliff a good bunch of enemies? Do it!  
> Or that endless game in Teufort with 7 engies? Was it heaven or hell for your Spy?
> 
> Share it with us and make Team Fortress 2 community great again!


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